What are some funny and smart quotes?

“A Freudian slip is when you say one thing when you’re really thinking about a mother.”

“There is no rule against postal workers dating women. It just works out that way.”

“The human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Too much alcohol kills brain cells, especially the slower, weaker ones. So, regular consumption of beer eliminates the slower brain cells after you’ve had a few beers which will speed up your brain.”

Buried for 16 Million Years, Scientists Unearth a Prehistoric Spider So Big, It Might Have Stalked Dinosaurs - Indian Defence Review

“It’s a little known fact that pigs are the smartest animal. Scientists say that if pigs had thumbs and a language that they could be trained to do manual labor. They give you 20 to 30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner, you can eat them.”

Few people had funnier or smarter quotes than Cliff Clavin from the TV show, Cheers.

“It’s a little known fact that the tan became popular in the Bronze Age.”

I have been married for 34 years, and I found out my wife lied, and cheated a lot back before we got married. Does she not change, or is it possible she is still a cheater?

They did a study between postal workers and chimpanze...

My sister Tracy sent me these a little while ago. I thought I’d share them. Thanks Trace.

“Ah just like all women. If they’re not turning down your proposal of marriage, they”re accusing you of suspicious behavior in the lingerie changing room.”

What actor accepted a film expecting to go unnoticed, only to find himself at the forefront of a gigantic success that transformed his career?

“Everyone in the Swiss Army owns a Swiss Army knife. That’s why no one messes with Switzerland.”